Maybe I should be a broker

"You sure get invested in some peoples lives. I hope they appreciate it."

These were words said by my friend Andrew as we headed back from a night of 1984 goodness. It was sparked by the fact that at the time of this I was texting back and forth with two separate friends, helping them with different problems and generally trying to make their lives better. This is not uncommon to me; oftentimes I try and talk to people, see if they have anything going bad in their lives, and provide a shoulder to lean on an ear to talk to. I have always been this way, and with my increasing socialness I have been seeing myself get invested even more. It is because of this that this statement made me ponder in a way I had not before. My investment into many persons lives is something that has always come naturally to me; I truly cannot remember a time where I did not want to get to know people and help them. I have an innate desire to be there for people; while this may seem a fine trait and I don't wish I lacked it, I sometimes can come off as overbearing. My want to fix peoples problems has been so strong that it puts people off at times; however, I am fortunately getting better at noticing this and controlling this. Still, there are plenty of people whose lives I am deeply invested in, and who I will do a great manner things for. I like to think these people know who they are, and know how much I would do if they needed help in some way. Even among the people I don't really know or don't know at all, I am finding myself more and more becoming invested quickly in trying to help them with the current problem in their life. This empathy and compassion can be annoying at times, as it can make it difficult to not become emotionally drained from peoples issues; however, if you are reading this and take that to mean that I do not want to help, stop. I will always be a person who loves to help, wants to talk, and is willing to just sit and listen if need be.

None of this is to brag in anyway; as I said before, I have been burned by my caring personality before. It's just another look into what makes me me, as well as my personal take on this part of myself. These will likely become more common little posts, filler whenever I am doing introspection. Hopefully they are interesting and helpful.

Rock out with your... yeah...

I love music; I've heard it said before that "Music is what feelings sound like", and I wholeheartedly concur with this statement. Something about the beating of melodies and rhythms in my ears makes it so very difficult to remain still, in body or mind. If for some reason I am not listening to a song actively, I probably have one in my head, be it real or just a beat I'm making up as I go. This, along with being a naturally twitchy person, means I am seldom motionless, even when sleeping.

This is especially true when I'm alone; I am one of those people you see in their car, totally rocking out to a song and possibly making you question the safety of being next to me (don't worry, I have plenty of practice singing/dancing while driving). However, I have come to the realization that I am probably absolutely hilarious to watch, as I definitely get into it when I know the words, and have gotten my fair share of strange looks. A few days back I noticed the passenger in the car next to me started to imitate me; needless to say I pulled around next to them and just started him down at a red light to make him feel uncomfortable (totally worked). However, I really have no problem with people seeing me; I am doing it in an untinted car after all. I tend to do the same thing when alone and just listening to music; at the very least I will mouth the words, and I have been known to rock out with air guitar and pull off some wicked dance moves you will be lucky to never see. I tend to be more reserved about these aspects when I'm with others, less out of embarrassment and more due to it being distracting from either the music or the conversation at hand. I also am fortunate to be well aware of my actual lack of singing or dancing talent, and so embrace the cheesiness I probably give off when I really get into a groove. C'est la vie.

Music is awesome, and intrinsic part of my life, and something I truly cannot see myself every without. There are so many genres, styles, and so on that there will always be something new and interesting right on the horizon. I'm fortunate to not be terribly picky either, which means more often than not I will be okay with a song, even if it isn't one that I would listen to all the time. Despite this I tend to get in ruts of CD's or bands that I really love, and will sometimes listen to essentially the same songs for a month or more (Motion City Soundtrack's newest CD didn't leave my car CD player for a good three months).

I guess what I'm trying to say is music is good, and I enjoy it.

A Spoonful of Cynicism

Warning: rambling chunk of text that just kinda flowed from my brain through my fingers. You may find it interesting, or you may just get confused.

I freely admit, I am a pretty cynical person at times. I think the government as a whole is untrustworthy, the new media a joke at best, and the world run by greed over all else. I know, this makes me sound like a swell person to be around; nothing says "life of the party" like the guy who hates everything. However, I'm sure most of you know of the phrase "a healthy does of cynicism" - this is what I feel I have. I don't go about life thinking that the world's in the crapper and there's nothing I can do about it but whine and complain, but anyone who really knows me will tell you it's quite the opposite. I tend to think the best of the individual person when first meeting them, try my best to make others happy in life, and really believe that change is possible in someone's life. Now I can see someone of you thinking "Well he's not a bitter old man - he's schizophrenic". While I prefer the term "eccentric", I also think that I'm just... I don't like saying "realist" because it makes me sound elitist, but that's the only word I can think of right now. I feel that I am able to look at the world, see it for what it is, and move on with my life in spite of it. This leads to the other way I can come off to people - aloof concerning some important topics in the world. In response to that I have this to say first - if someone earnestly wants to discuss anything with me I will be all ears and more than willing to talk. I am a listener at heart and love to help people. This is more due to just not wanting to focus on a lot of things in the world because quite frankly, they are depressing as hell. Doesn't mean I don't look into what's happening and think things over myself, I just usually don't bring those things up to discuss if it's not a natural progression of the conversation. I prefer to laugh at what I can in the world to keep from becoming down over all that is wrong.

That's all I've got for now. Gotta wake up at 5 AM the next three days, so I'm already pretty dang tired. Hope this was at the least entertaining to any who read.

Gaming Habits (Or, Don't watch me if you don't play videogames)

So I play video games. A lot. I have no problem admitting that I love a wide variety of games on pretty much any console. Shooters, adventure games, platformers, strategy games; as long as I find said game enjoyable I'm all for it. However, there are pretty much three different ways that I actually go about playing video games.

First and most common for me is social gaming, i.e. playing video games with other people around. This is not to say I am playing games with people (that would be the next way), but rather either I or a friend are playing a game while others watch, talk, and so on. This social atmosphere, where the game is either the topic of conversation or simply something in the background to be observed while discussing anything else. I have had a friend ask how it is possible for three of us to have fun watching another play a game; the best I can figure that is just how I have been about games for a long while. I personally find games to be as fascinating to watch and analyze as any other medium, even if it is only in my head. More often though, at least among my friends we would sometimes talk of the game, sometimes just comment on it, and often just talk as usual and watch the game be played, commenting occasionally.

Next up is the style of gaming I prefer: multiplayer, particularly cooperative play. I love co-op: working on a team with someone is almost always preferable to doing something alone. Games like Gears of War, Resident Evil 5, and Army of Two really hit that sweet spot, especially when playing with a friend. One part is certainly the shared experience of something that can be quite challenging. As opposed to simply watching someone overcome a challenge, having a part in that surmounting makes the whole experience that much better. In the previous games I mentioned there is also a prompting of trying different play styles and coordinating with your partner(s). For example, in shooters I am often the guy who likes sniper rifles and long-range combat, content to sit back and pick off enemies. As luck would have it, my friends often prefer to be more in the action, shotgunning away and clearing out the enemies in a more personal manner. Combining these styles and working with a friend provides such a great feeling when getting through a particularly difficult section (as a side note, this is also because playing co-op often results in playing on a higher difficulty overall). Multiplayer, while not always at fun, also has that satisfying feeling of playing with others, only against real humans. I much prefer local multiplayer (all on the same system), as there is just something special about being in the same room as the people you're racing/fighting/whatever. Online is of course fun also, but mostly relegated to shooters in my case.

The final way to game, for me at least, is of course alone. I'm not a big fan of this, just because I have so much experience with the other two styles. There are definitely times where I feel like paying a game with no one else around, but the vast majority of times I would rather there be at least one other person to talk with. When I am alone and playing a game I usually try to go with one that doesn't need music so I can listen to podcasts or my own style of music. That's about all there is to this, at least in my thinking.

Final note, there is one style of gaming that I do not enjoy at all: trying to play a game with people who do not play games watching me. Unless it is something that is somewhat relatable to the average person's knowledge of video games (say, a Mario game), I often feel uncomfortable with the person just watching me. Just not my bag.

All work and no play, that's not my style.

Work at Subway has been rather bland, though not in a bad way. Working at the same place as the previous summer is not a luxury I have often had, and apparently my Subway has a surprising retention rate. Upon returning I found only two people who I did not know, and both of them were fairly outgoing and nice, so getting to know them has been easy and pleasant enough. Having to do hardly any training is certainly a plus also, as each store handles things differently so even among Subways I often had to learn a whole new system. There are only two people who I really don't get along with at work, and while I work with them a decent amount I get plenty of time with the people who actually work hard and are worth being around.

Of course, there is also the factor of people who come to Subway. A lot of them are alright people some of whom are needlessly cool (See: A Russo-Persian couple speaking Russian). Than there are the requisite people who suck for some reason or another. There are many a time where I have thought "You suck as a parent!" or "Geez, try having an ounce of patience!". Still, that's to be expected when dealing with the general populace I suppose.

On to the play aspect of life. I have been gleefully jumping into far too many RPG's at once, as tends to be my style. I am working my way steadily through Mass Effect as a Sentinel, and enjoying the game much more than my first attempt to play it. I also picked up a copy of Fallout 3 GotY Edition, and have picked up where I left of those many months ago. Trying out the all of the DLC (like Point Lookout and Broken Steel) has been quite fun, especially with my Gatling Laser wielding demigod of the Wasteland. I am still working slowly through Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon on DS when I get the strategy itch, though I'm at a frustrating mission at the moment. Usually give it a try or two and than just go "Meh, guess I'll try later". Finally, while not a game, I have started working through Animal Farm again finally. While short, I only read it maybe twice a week. It;s quite enjoyable though, and I look forward to finishing it and moving on to Machiavelli's The Prince.

As a complete aside, allergies suck and make me hate plant life.

Delayed on account of rain (and fire)

Yeah yeah, it's been a while. Let's move past that and on to the more important aspect of this: me.

So it's been raining quite a bit. Springfield spring showers (it is spring still, right?) are frequent and harsh, and usually involve some sweet thunder and lightning. Typical pattern is rain, rain, blazing hot day, blazing hot day with rain at night, repeat ad nauseum. Oh, and it's humid as hell, but that shouldn't be a surprise to anyone with any knowledge of Springfield. Still, now that swimming is an option for my free time I actually look forward to the heat.

Well, I would if I was still in the house for the summer. To make a long story short, the owner of the house learned that if there is a fire in the pan you are frying things in, do not try to move it to the sink to put it out. It will likely boil onto you, burning you and causing you to drop a large amount of burning oil on the ground. This is how a five by three foot portion of the kitchen came to be burned beyond repair, along with the dishwasher. There is tons of smoke damage and soot in the house, and the process of cleaning, getting quotes, and so on has just started, so we will likely be out of the place for two weeks minimum, I'm thinking more along the lines of a month. I'm staying with the Kopaska family again, as they have graciously opened their home to me.

On a less sad note, I had three days off in a row this week; yesterday, today, and tomorrow. In taking full advantage of these days off I decided to rent Splinter Cell: Conviction since I heard it was short. Having beaten it already I can confirm that it is, but it is still a blast to plow through. When you get in the zone in this game you really can feel like a badass assassin, thanks to the Mark and Execute feature. After meleeing/grabbing someone as a human shield you are given the ability to execute targets that are in range and that you have marked. This is basically a "instant death" button, one-shotting the marked targets automatically. While making the game easier, it is no less satisfying to to this, and the game is much more action based than the previous ones to accommodate. It is simply a different feeling of satisfaction.

I'm still listening to "My Dinosaur Life" by Motion City Soundtrack. A lot. This CD just really hits it for me. That is all, I recommend at least Youtubing "Her Words Destroyed My Planet", "Worker Bee", "Disappear", "Skin and Bones", or "Sunny Day". If they don't get ya into this band I don't know what to tell you. Oh yeah I do, look up "The Future Freaks Me Out".

Until next time, enjoy life folks. Hopefully I'll be more diligent about updating this, though I hope given the excitement in my life as of late you'll be forgiving.

Storms and Stew

A lot has happened since the last post. School ending, friends leaving, work starting... been a busy few weeks. I've gotten all settled into the house I am staying at, with my room more or less situated how I like it (though I wish my book shelf had not broken, as my books are just in organized piles in the corner now). I am definitely digging my new housemates and really look forward to reconnecting with them after a few years of non-interaction. Both are great outgoing guys who are friendly and know quite a few people, so this summer should be anything but boring.

There have been a decent amount of storms this past week. Right now there is thunder sounding over "Worker Bee" by Motion City Soundtrack, and lighting is flashing through the window that sits right behind my laptop. I love falling asleep to this weather; I know it is a cliché to say this, but I can not get enough of this weather. Earlier today when the rain began I was dressed for the day in short and a t-shirt. Unable to restrain myself I simply went out and enjoyed the feeling of falling water soaking into my skin, warm and inviting. I'm sure psychologists would have some explanation for this, but I couldn't care less honestly; all I know is it makes my life better whenever a storm passes. It brings with is a sense of change, of finality and purpose.

I've been trying to renew my cooking skills, gone stagnant over the course of the school year. After several times messing with chicken and spices I tried my hand at chicken stew again, with potatoes, onions, and carrots for flavor. Unfortunately, my gauging of seasoning has apparently gotten worse than I had imagined; a little too much seasoning salt made for an off taste that accumulated with each bite. I saved half of the dish, adding some water in hopes of diluting the saltiness. I can only improve from here, and the summer is young.